Well dears, the long-suffering amongst you, those of you who go back with the dear ole FFs to when our notoriety was more global, may remember the incoherent, rambling nonsense that was the Fish Counter.
A blog particularly aimed at those people who don’t mind when someone starts a sentence with the word and. And I frequently do.
And paragraphs too.
See, I just did it....
Cue the pedants who think the previous paragraph is too short to be a paragraph. It’s just a short paragraph, all right?
Rather like this one is going to be…
Anyway, I think it might be fun to resurrect the old Fish Counter, and please accept the above grammatical warning, as well as others regarding mature themes, bad language and flashing images. I think it’s important that the reader is pre-warned, don’t you?
A bit like the way I try to warn the punters before a gig that it’s likely to be saucy, fruity, bawdy and Jolly-Rogering. That way we get carte-blanche to include as much puerile and salacious filth as possible. Everybody’s happy, except of course the music lovers (and what would they be doing at an FF gig?).
By the way, I don’t buy the one about flashing images, do you? Do you know anyone who has had a seizure after being exposed to a rank of flashing cameras whilst watching the Ten O’Clock News? It seems that we get the same warning every single night now, and I have to keep grabbing the zapper and switching off, lest I end up gibbering and dribbling on the floor, and consequently it’s a helluva job to keep abreast with current affairs these days.
So can anyone help? Who are England playing in the quarter finals?
And what about coming across flashing lights when simply going about your daily business? For instance, when I was flashed by a sodding camera whilst minding my own business and doing eighty six at 02:46am (yes, am) just outside Exeter on my way to the airport, should I have been warned that it was about to happen?
Perhaps that would have saved me from the hundred quid fine and three (more) points on my licence. And had they considered the possibility that I might,as a result of the flash of the camera, have ended up gibbering, dribbling and twitching in the foot-well of the car?
There has to be a defence there somewhere. Where can you find a decent lawyer when you really need one?
So, prior to our jaunt up North this week, maybe some warnings are in order…
Manchester. Durham. Birmingham.
"South Westerly gale force eight, increasing gale force nine, locally hurricane force ten.
Visibility crap (if you’re sitting at the back, obviously).
Warnings of showers of ale and lager if in the front two rows.
Possibility of raucous ‘singing’, ribaldry, and overpriced, tawdry merchandise in the foyer.
Backing North Easterly and decreasing early Sunday morning for gentle breeze home."
See you there dears.....
....And no flash photography!!
Love and Fishes from
The dear ole Walrus of St Isaac xx